One of the most annoying things I have ever dealt with in my life has resulted from one of the best things my late parents had in their life: their reverse mortgage. 

Oh sure, you see Robert Wagner or Alex Trebek on the TV telling seniors what a great deal it is. And for the seniors it is a great deal. 

For those left behind, it’s a great…big…pain in the ass. 

If you’re ever looking into a reverse mortgage, or you have parents, or grandparents looking into a reverse mortgage, don’t let who’s ever selling it tell you that when your loved one is gone that as their Personal Representative, you’ll simply hand the house back to the bank. 

Easy breezy lemon squeezey.

In my case, since the house wasn’t worth enough to pay the balance  after the 8 years my folks used those funds to better their lives, I had the option to make the necessary improvements to bring the house up to that amount (and in the meantime put myself in debt) so it would sell. That wasn’t gonna happen. 

So I decided to take the easy breezy lemon squeezey route and “hand the house back to the bank” – Except that, my friends, is called a foreclosure! Surprise!! And the “bank” is a third party debt collector (DC). 

Ahh yes, the dreaded F word. But have no fear, the DC convinced me to do what is called a Deed in Lieu,  which is supposed to be an option instead of actual foreclosure. 

(Insert laugh track here)

They said that the process will take 90 to 120 days and they gave me 90 days from the date of death to clear out 47 years of STUFF from the house and sweep it clean. (God bless family and friends who helped with that depressing task). 

For the period of 90 to 120 days, I would be responsible for the property. Responsible for the gas and electric, the water service to the house, and keeping the property maintained. Since it was spring and summer I’ve been having the lawn mowed. Figured it was worth while if it was going to keep foreclosure out of the picture. 

Unfortunately they weren’t very clear about when that 90 to 120 days actually begins. In my case, the clock started 45 DAYS after my clean out deadline. Why the hell did I have to rush?

And forestall foreclosure? On, nay nay (as the late great John Pinnette would say). 

They sent seven Notices of Foreclosure (because, of course, one just isn’t enough) and continued the foreclosure process. 

I’ve received weird offers from strange people who want to buy the house for a ridiculously small amount (illegal in most states), nasty notes from the state insinuating my folks are deadbeats (guess they didn’t realize they were deceased not deadbeats) and so on and so forth. 

I call every few weeks for an update. The phone staff is typical. Follow their little script with questions I answered 10 times before (I know it’s the law, but damn annoying) and they are never quite clear what in tarnation is happening. 

Today, they called me. I still had to answer the same stupid questions even though they initiated the call – but my heart leapt for joy! Were they calling me to tell me we’re done?!?!?

Nope. Calling to “give me an update” which consisted of the young man asking me questions, then having to review the information for himself, then telling me all the stuff I already knew. 

In the end, he gave me a target date for DIL completion a month later than the last guy I talked to…and which, by the way, is now 2 days AFTER the tentatively scheduled foreclosure sale. I was floored. 

What was the point of my going through all of this nonsense? The young man understood. He was going to “email the DIL admin to expedite the process.” Yeah. Sure. 

A reverse mortgage can be a great option for seniors on a limited income, but fairly nightmarish for those left behind. I wouldn’t have advised my parents to do anything differently, but I do wish I’d been more informed. 

As with all crappy situations, this too will pass. In the meantime, I’ll shake my head and try to giggle through the absurdity of it all. 

Wish me luck.