Life through Big Brown Eyes

Less than a week ago, Americans watched parades, oohed and ahhed at fireworks, and waved their flags. In the days since, technology and social media has presented us with images that have poured fuel on a society already on fire. 

There are those in social media, politics, and on the street using recent events to perpetuate generalizations which oversimplify and distort the situation. 

There is bad and good in every walk of life. I find it amazing and disheartening that folks will use sweeping classifications to promote their own agendas. Let’s break it down for a moment. 

Are all bankers bad? No. 

Are all gun owners bad? No. 

Are all members of a religion,race, nationality  (Muslim, African American, Mexican) bad? No. 

Are all police officers bad? No. 

These recent events need to be investigated, of course. There are unanswered questions that I won’t contemplate here. If Americans have concerns and choose to protest, the Constitution grants them the right to do so peacefully. 

It doesn’t matter what the political affiliation is – I know people, who are otherwise good, generous, and smart that will buy into one or more of these generalizations. They believe what the media and pundits tell them. They drink the Kool Aid of whoever is pouring. 

The harm in that? Someone can believe what they hear, climb to the top of a parking garage, and shoot innocent people simply because they “look like” the group they have been told they need to hate. 

I know bankers, Muslims, African Americans, Mexicans…

And I know police officers. 

In trying to find something positive over the past couple of days, I came to the conclusion that after all that’s transpired, my family members and friends in law enforcement will still put on their uniforms, will still do their jobs today to protect all of us. 

And the other good people I know, no matter what they look like, where they come from, or what they do for a living – will continue raising their families and living good lives. 

Pray for peace. 

We the People….3 words that sit as the foundation of our very society.  As this holiday weekend gets underway, I wanted to examine (albeit not very scientifically) what it means to be an Amer…

Source: Stars & Stripes – Still Everybody Gripes

One of the most annoying things I have ever dealt with in my life has resulted from one of the best things my late parents had in their life: their reverse mortgage. 

Oh sure, you see Robert Wagner or Alex Trebek on the TV telling seniors what a great deal it is. And for the seniors it is a great deal. 

For those left behind, it’s a great…big…pain in the ass. 

If you’re ever looking into a reverse mortgage, or you have parents, or grandparents looking into a reverse mortgage, don’t let who’s ever selling it tell you that when your loved one is gone that as their Personal Representative, you’ll simply hand the house back to the bank. 

Easy breezy lemon squeezey.

In my case, since the house wasn’t worth enough to pay the balance  after the 8 years my folks used those funds to better their lives, I had the option to make the necessary improvements to bring the house up to that amount (and in the meantime put myself in debt) so it would sell. That wasn’t gonna happen. 

So I decided to take the easy breezy lemon squeezey route and “hand the house back to the bank” – Except that, my friends, is called a foreclosure! Surprise!! And the “bank” is a third party debt collector (DC). 

Ahh yes, the dreaded F word. But have no fear, the DC convinced me to do what is called a Deed in Lieu,  which is supposed to be an option instead of actual foreclosure. 

(Insert laugh track here)

They said that the process will take 90 to 120 days and they gave me 90 days from the date of death to clear out 47 years of STUFF from the house and sweep it clean. (God bless family and friends who helped with that depressing task). 

For the period of 90 to 120 days, I would be responsible for the property. Responsible for the gas and electric, the water service to the house, and keeping the property maintained. Since it was spring and summer I’ve been having the lawn mowed. Figured it was worth while if it was going to keep foreclosure out of the picture. 

Unfortunately they weren’t very clear about when that 90 to 120 days actually begins. In my case, the clock started 45 DAYS after my clean out deadline. Why the hell did I have to rush?

And forestall foreclosure? On, nay nay (as the late great John Pinnette would say). 

They sent seven Notices of Foreclosure (because, of course, one just isn’t enough) and continued the foreclosure process. 

I’ve received weird offers from strange people who want to buy the house for a ridiculously small amount (illegal in most states), nasty notes from the state insinuating my folks are deadbeats (guess they didn’t realize they were deceased not deadbeats) and so on and so forth. 

I call every few weeks for an update. The phone staff is typical. Follow their little script with questions I answered 10 times before (I know it’s the law, but damn annoying) and they are never quite clear what in tarnation is happening. 

Today, they called me. I still had to answer the same stupid questions even though they initiated the call – but my heart leapt for joy! Were they calling me to tell me we’re done?!?!?

Nope. Calling to “give me an update” which consisted of the young man asking me questions, then having to review the information for himself, then telling me all the stuff I already knew. 

In the end, he gave me a target date for DIL completion a month later than the last guy I talked to…and which, by the way, is now 2 days AFTER the tentatively scheduled foreclosure sale. I was floored. 

What was the point of my going through all of this nonsense? The young man understood. He was going to “email the DIL admin to expedite the process.” Yeah. Sure. 

A reverse mortgage can be a great option for seniors on a limited income, but fairly nightmarish for those left behind. I wouldn’t have advised my parents to do anything differently, but I do wish I’d been more informed. 

As with all crappy situations, this too will pass. In the meantime, I’ll shake my head and try to giggle through the absurdity of it all. 

Wish me luck. 

The dictionary defines loyalty as devotion, constancy, allegiance; a sense of duty or of devoted attachment to something or someone.

Every personality test I’ve ever taken tells me I’m loyal. Not hard to figure out looking at my life. I’ve known one of my best friends for 42 years. I’ve known 2 others for 35 years. I’ve been with the same man for half my life. 

If you’re thinking “Gee, you’re pretty loyal,” I’m just getting started!

I was with my dentist for 42 years, I have followed my hairstylist to 3 establishments over the course of the last 16 years, and I even went to the same massage therapist every month for 8 years. 

Damn right I’m loyal.

Right?

But what do other people see as loyalty? 

Do you ever get the feeling that for some folks, loyalty is 

“I’m here if you need me”?

“I won’t hurt your feelings”

……as long as it doesn’t inconvenience them or interrupt the daily course of their own lives. 

Is loyalty then, in the eye of the beholder? 

And what do you do if what you feel is your undying loyalty is suddenly not reciprocated (Truly? Or in your own eyes?)

What then?

Being loyal, or compassionate, or frugal, or anal, or whatever…is so deeply rooted in whatever makes a person, well a person. 

I think. 

It’s a funny concept, loyalty. When does it cross over into enough already? 

Like when you’re so devoted, no matter what and you become somebody’s doormat. 

Not me. 

That’s the other thing that personality tests and my own experience has taught me. I’m loyal. Until you give me reason not to be. 

Then I’m done. 

Damn right I’m loyal. But I’m not an idiot. 

This weekend is my fourth Father’s Day without my dad. In his honor, I offer the following:

He came to America as a baby in his mother’s arms. At 17, he got his parent’s permission to join the Navy and proudly served his country in not one but two wars. He spent his career assisting in the care of others as an x-ray technician. He raised two daughters and was married to the same woman for 60 years. His health was not the best the last several years of his life, but his humor remained. His grand kids called him Pop. Sometimes, his wife called him “Idiot!”. 

To me he was Dad. 

I’d like to share some of the lessons he always told me (even the ones he didn’t follow himself 100% of the time) that I’ve tried to live by throughout my life. 
Things My Daddy Taught Me:

• When you get up in the morning, you better enjoy the work you do and how you will spend your day, or else you’ll be miserable. 

• It’s better to be a half hour early than 5 minutes late. 

• Sometimes it’s not what you know, but who…and there’s a big difference between “book smart” and “street smart”.

• Stay calm in an argument – the one who’s screaming looks like the idiot. Don’t give someone else the power to make you lose your cool. 

• Appreciate the classics – in music, art, and literature. They live forever. Trends fade away. 

• Hypocrites are a waste of your time. Invest, instead, in good friends. 

• “The Godfather” is the best movie…Ever…Period. 

If you still have your dad, give him a big hug. And if you ARE a dad, trust me – your kids are listening. 
Happy Father’s Day!

I am blessed with several great nieces and a great nephew.  They are all 5 years old or younger. Besides being criminally cute, they are all at the start of what I pray will be a long and happy life for each of them.  The fact that they all are at the start of those journeys fascinates me.  Perhaps because I’m fairly confident that I am more than halfway through my own.

As I look in the rear view mirror of my own existence over the last half century, I can see the paths I chose, the results of decisions made.  I can remember the things that happened in school or in my family that shaped my personality…that fed my insecurities.  I recall those times my heart was roadkill, and the hearts I drove over myself.  It is interesting to dissect the “what if’s” although it is a futile exercise when all is said and done.  

And so during recent birth celebrations, and birthday celebrations as these beautiful children giggle ot gurgle (as the case may be) I can’t help wondering what paths they’ll choose….what decisions they’ll make…what insecurities they’ll have, and whose heart they’ll break.  

Someone said recently that the professions today’s toddlers will have when they grow up may not have been invented yet.  Back to the Future Part II taught us that 30 years may not be that long for technological advancement.  But I know what was available when I was 5….and Lordy has the world changed.  What will it look like when these cherubs are 50?  It thrills me and frightens me all at the same time.

They are at the start of their journey…this road of life.  

I hope they have one hell of an adventure.

As promised, I began to go through notebooks and journals I’ve kept since I was 14. 

Fascinating how the smallest problems were SO monumental: my dad yelled at me, girls in school were mean to me, the boy I was so desperately “in love” with didn’t love me back. 

Yet, when you’re 14, what do you expect?   I will say that I wrote a lot of poetry. I thought some of it was fairly interesting coming from the mind of a teenager.  To sit here reading it, I was taken back to the days lying across my bed, with notebook and pen, scribbling furiously. It’s like time travel, really. Like I’m back in 1982. 

Come take a trip with me down memory lane……

As far away as you can get, that’s as far away I’ll be,

If you never want to sit and talk – well that’s ok with me,

But for every time I cry and all the moments I sigh,

Will be in your conscience and in your heart,                                          But will never penetrate your mind. 

You stepped on me and others too, To make your way across,

Like smooth flat stones in a streams cool bed,

It’s not mine, but your loss. 

Colorful World

When I color the world blue, All joy is chased from my life,

The tears are all pouring through, I fear to never see light. 

It goes from blue to dark gray, Though I feel a little glad,

I think I see a faint ray, Now I know I’m not so sad. 

When I color the world pink, All happiness has returned. 

I’ve finally found the link, That tells me what I’ve learned. 

So I say to you, good friends -Yes, you, who color the earth,

On you the color depends, How much is happiness worth?
If you enjoyed those, I have more. Feel free to comment. 

Happy Friday!!