I’m 51 years old, successful in my career and I have loved the same man for half my life. But last night as I dressed for a Retro “80’s” dance at a high school in my old neighborhood, I was as nervous as my 16 year old self many years ago.

Did my hair look ok? Did this top make me look fatter that I was?

I wasn’t needing to impress anyone. I was going with one of my oldest and dearest friends and we were going to dance to music from 35 years ago with a bunch of other 50-somethings. My crows feet and post-menopausal paunch would not be unusual in this crowd.

What would everyone think? Had I aged well?

Silly and pathetic, really…and as I was having these thoughts, I had to stop and ask WHY myself I was having these thoughts.

Then I remembered and realized that years can pass, but our insecurities stay with us. Growing up, I was not the pretty, popular daughter that everyone loved. My outfits didn’t match, I was uncoordinated, mouthy, and the quintessential book worm. I never considered myself pretty and was convinced very early on that I was wallflower material.

As time went on, I evolved as an adult and grew out of a lot of that, but those thoughts are like rocks in a stream bed. Always just below the surface.

When I realized that it was just old insecurities whispering in my mind, they quieted. I looked in the mirror again and saw the happy person that I am, not the pudgy teenager I was. And instead of feeling nervous, I felt excited….to see old friends…share memories and laughs.

I enjoyed the dance. And all of my fifty-something friends couldn’t have been nicer. Time really does pass.